He's always the odd one, - to meetings he's late,
We think it's his ego, he tries to inflate,
He once won the eclectic, with quite a big score,
Then he pledged 'proper' golfers, would win it no more.
AND IT'S NO NAY NEVER, - NO NAY NEVER NO MORE,
WILL HE PLAY THE WILD ROVER, - NO NEVER NO MORE.
He looks a bit odd, with the string on his tees,
And he takes up his stance, like a duck with disease,
And on go his wellies, as soon as rain falls,
And he's never without, --- the red rings round his balls.
He's ever so generous, with Looe vets he meets,
And offers them sandwiches, apples and sweets.
He used to deliver, to number 10's door,
But 'naa' he's so rich, -- he dun 'ave to no more.
He's been a wild driver, for many a year,
And he's found tons of balls, in the rough far and near,
Was last year curtailed, from increasing his store,
But we doubt if he'll be, a wild driver no more.
Zee English 'e always, ees trying to learn,
And zee 'ips 'e forever, is trying to turn,
'E lurves zee frog's legs, and zee snails, and red wine,
Mais jamais! no more, - soixante neuf -- sixty nine.
His name's double barrelled, from Cheshire he hails,
He's always outspoken, -- his tongue never fails.
At any slow play, he fires sharp repartee.
And he's never impressed, -- when his partners drink tea.
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He often calls quiet, but more often crap,
And frequently comments, on false handicap.
He's got a good voice 'cos he sings in a choi--r,
And of bawling out bandit, he never does tire.
He paints some fine pictures, of that there's no doubt,
And when out on the course, he becomes quite devout.
When lining his puts, he kneels down on the floor,
But we're hoping like hell, he will do it no more.
After some bad shots, he sometimes throws fits,.
And always when putting, his legs do the splits.
When taking subscriptions, his face lights with glee,
But to OAP discount, he'll never agree.
His handicap's low, and he plays a fine game.
He's been a club captain, - gold lettered - his name,
He checks all the cards, with meticulous skill,
But never smiles much, when they come back marked nil.
He chats all the bar staff, and some tries to kiss,
But the manager told him, his comforts must miss.
She gave him a cushion, for huggin' each day,
For kissin' and cuddlin', -- but not for a lay!
The girls are so gorgeous, and serve with a smile,
They're ever so smart, and they dress with great style.
Deep cleavage is shown, with their dresses cut low,
But it's never for touching, - it's only for show.
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